Desired affection

St Valentine’s, an old Roman fertility festival…on this day the names of single women were written on pieces of paper, and those went into a big bowl. Single men could then each reach for a piece of paper, with on it the name of the woman they would have to be wed. Even then, being single was portrait as having a deathly disease. The cure for the Singularity disease; the name of a(ny) (soul)mate written on a piece of paper. Maybe this is a rather strange approach, but it also can be seen as fair approach; everybody has the chance to be loved. So many people grow old alone because of a variety of different reasons; having too many demands, appearance, shyness and many others. The fact is: every person needs affection, regardless of age, gender, looks and race.
It works like a drug. Doesn’t it? Affection, your desire to be desired, your desire to be the object of someone’s affection. Your hunger for casual sex, but with the right person. Nothing is casual anymore, nobody wants normal, we all want everything to be extraordinary. You want for him to show that he longs for you, but you don’t want him following you around and wagging his tail and licking his genitals. You want for him to act hard to get and be the generous, sweet and good looking bad guy that hasn’t been with too many women, but has no lack of experience whatsoever. A tough demand, which a lot of women swear by.
Years ago, and still in many cultures, people do not choose their own partner.
Every story has different sides, which one do you prefer? The lonely affection-free life in which you do whatever you want, with whomever you want, not knowing if you will ever find your perfect match; or do you prefer the life of being promised to a person who at first you will not know, and will not be in love with but in time will be the one you love?
Here we are, making a fuss about why numbers 1, 2 and 3 got away, while you have already determined for yourself that there will be numbers 4, 5, 6 and perhaps 7 as well.
We all have people who aren’t even worthy –in relation perspective- of giving numbers; the flings. Yes, we all know those flings, you meet –okay, introduce- and immediately decide that it will be a temporarily “event”. Most of these events stop because of simple reasons, a short top 3:
- Boring sex
- Awful sex
- Death
Of course there also are the messy reasons of stopping a temporarily event, top 3;
- Feelings which aren’t mutual
- An angry partner
- Deadly disease
Flings equal short and inconsistent affection, a relationship equals consistent long-term affection. Affection; such a deceiving word, can be used in both the sweetest way, as well as in many nasty ways. My personal breakthrough: I do not like and or need casual. I need feelings in order to have sex with someone. Tingles in my tummy, attraction, sexual tension, you name it. I envy those who can do whatever with whomever, for quite a while I tried telling myself that I was one of them. Lying to another is difficult, lying to yourself is exhausting. At this moment I will take a bullet before starting another relationship and another bullet before ever starting casual temporarily events. There’s nothing wrong with being single, I can do all that I desire.
However, what I most desire, is to be desired.