C.S.

Yet again, I am at a crossroads. I need to change my habits, and quick! Or actually one habit: drinking. Ever since my ex-boyfriend got rid of me in not the best way ever, and finding out some personal things, I have been reaching for bottles almost on a daily base. At first I thought I was okay, until it hit me: I’m not okay. I. AM. NOT. OKAY. Sure…drinking made me forget my ex at first, after that..I just got all emotional crying out how much I missed him, calling his phone day and night, writing about how we used to love. “Used to”, because he don’t love me no more. “Used to”, because an unanswered love, isn’t really love. I haven’t had a drink since Friday night and I’m okay. I’m not good, I’m not great, I’m okay and it’s great that I’m fine with being okay. Wounds don’t heel overnight. Unless you’re Neo. Or a Tibetan monk. Or have a time chamber. Or if you are a wizard......anyhow: you get the point.

I needed for something to happen, something HAD to happen; I needed a hero. And that hero reached out to me today. It was love at first sight, as if he had never left my side. No, I’m not talking about God in case you’re wondering. I also realized that I need to be and stay positive. Sure, I do not really have an internship. Sure, I’m still heartbroken. Sure, physically it’s not all well. Sure, I’m broke as fuck. Sure, I have issues at home. And I haven’t had sex in a month. But hey; I’m still here. I have friends that will do anything to distract me and make me feel good and on top. I finally started with driving lessons (which might be a negative thing for all people living in Rotterdam). I have a great brother en a great sister-in-law on whom’s door I can always knock (if they don’t answer, I don’t open the door, that’s a rule though). I look great and recently bought three pairs of shoes and a dress for 33 euros! I finally have my iPhone, seeing as I always used my ex’s iPhone to use wonderful apps like 9gag and Scoupy. Now I Scoupy alone. The first Scoupy I used alone was for sushi, it was a sad but needed moment.

But back to my hero. He might not be tall, dark and handsome (a euphemism for a tall, handsome, darkHAIRED guy for those whom are unaware of this), but he sure does make me think, and feel. I missed that. I missed the feeling of being able to be me. It hurts, but it finally hit me. Life. Goes. On. With or without that certain person you care deeply about (and secretly want to kill), the world keeps moving. “Creeps in this pretty pace, from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time”. My hero is back, and I love him for that.

Thank you my dear and beloved C.S. Good to be back.










sensus. communis.