1. The first thing you should do is cry. Cry a lot, because you know you want to.
2. Remove all pictures of him/the two of you from your house, this prevents the unnecessary recollection of memories. Unless you already did this a week before due to the fact he was acting like a gay jack-off.
3. Eat! You need to eat before the next step, I forgot to do this step. No bueno.
4. DRINK. Drink, but not alone. Don’t almost drink an entire bottle of Black Label by yourself, and continue with caipirinha at a party where it is possible that you will encounter an ex-boyfriend/fling/fuckbuddy/whatever and finally pass the fuck out without you remembering anything the next morning.
5. Do not overanalyze the situation. It will just make you feel more fucked up and you will start thinking/seeing things that aren’t there.
6. After this; GET MAD. You deserve this. Get mad at him/her for totally fucking up your spirit.
7. Shop. Shopping is THE magic cure, -no matter how temporary of a cure- for heartache.
8. Drink one/two glasses of red wine each day and eat some chocolate with it (read: a bottle a day is a no-no)
9. Stalk or don’t stalk your ex. Whatever you want. However, I highly advise that you don’t.
10. Go out and have FUN! F-U-N! Put on your best outfits and live again. Do the things you couldn’t do while in the relationship (in my case excessive alcohol-use). Hang out with your friends, but please do try not to be influenced too much; you still are a fragile, temporary alcoholic with a broken heart and shattered self-esteem.
11. Change your appearance, don’t change yourself. There must have been something during your relationship that you wanted to change about your appearance, whether it is your haircut, clothing-style, ink or piercings. My case: an extra piercing in my ear (he called it tacky, I say everything can be tacky in the wrong situation) and blonde dipdye (he prefers brown hair) and I look stunning if I might say so myself!
12. Take on a hobby, course or whatever. Drivers-lessons, a new job, playing a musical instrument, write or whatever; anything to put the pieces of your broken heart into something positive.
13. Fuck or don’t fuck someone else. Only fuck someone if A. you are positive that the feelings for your ex are gone or will not make you fall into tears when heaving fucked someone else, and B. make sure that you fuck that person for SEX, not for hugs, kisses (passionate sexy time kisses are allowed) and movies and C. dear God C: make sure that the person you fuck is better than your ex! Nothing is worse than cheating/rebounding with a guy that’s worse than your boyfriend/ex. You will miss him afterwards. Me, I am still considering A.
14. Then, be happy, enjoy life and forget about the motherfucker. If he thinks you’re not worthy of his time, he certainly isn’t worth yours.
15. (Optional) Slash his tires or key his car. (I am still contemplating on this one).
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