Oh snap!
How could this happen? For months I have been forbidding myself to let my heart take over. Still in control yet slowly loosing grip on the situation. Love is not "love" as people think of it; some mysterious force at hand. The definition of love to me is pure physics; measurable chemistry between two people. SCIENCE. Love and sex can be separated, just as mind and body can.
Me. I rule in speaking things into existence. So naturally after months and months of repeating that love is transient, I now firmly believe this. Manipulation pur sang. Mind steadily contrasting with my heart.
Laying here, thinking about the fact that I miss him. How my body wants him. How my heart needs him...
Yet I cannot seem to connect the dots. Body, mind and heart act separately, my heart being the supranational organization in this all. I lost my sovereignty to what? Love? Lust? A possible fairy tale?
Me. Living the fairytale? With a sweet guy? A good guy? Me?
No drama, no lies, no affaires, no hiding, no triangular, quatro stagioni-it's not me it's you-complicated-wish upon airplanes in stead of shooting stars-hating on myself for loving, giving, submitting and feeling like one in a million, as if I'm the best he ever had while being treated as less then a stepping stone, standing on the sideline not scoring any points-know what I'm saying - bull crap - not digging this situation but remain in it because I can't seem to do or deserve better so see you next lifetime kinda shit.
Unrealistic. Like a weird dream. The dream you always dreamed but when you find yourself in it you wish for nothing more then waking up from it? It is the classic "one want, what one cannot have"-situation. Once you live your dream, you create new ones. "Better" ones.
Demand/Supply vs Price/Quantity.
What will I sacrifice (price) in order to live my dream (demand). What will the metaphorical marginal costs be for putting my heart and pussy on lease? Should I freakin' fasten my seat belt, for this will be the ride of my life? Or do I start it of with the intention on crashing and loosing my life? Metaphorically speaking of course.
So. Am I really going to follow this thing through? Take a risk, take a chance and breakaway? "Love" conquers all right?
Or in my case: "physical attraction and chemistry combined with mutual respect and care" also referred to as LOVE conquers all.
"Nature never breaks her own laws."- Leonardo da Vinci.
-I do.
