To be quite honest; I have no idea how I'm currently coping. There are situations I cannot change myself. Not alone at least. So what did I do? I poured all my frustration and control on him. I could not control my home situation so I tried manipulating the other situation; the one I thought I could influence. I guess it's safe to say that I pushed too much. Here I am, 3 am, alone, refusing to speak to my "father" unless absolutely necessary and in total misery of pushing the one person away who could make me feel like nothing else mattered and on top of the world.
How do I cope? Trying to avoid unnecessary drama, do not get carried away in someone else's shit and think about all those times of being hurt before, not thinking that I would get over it but still getting over it. No matter how long it took. One took me years, others took me months and some merely took some weeks. I admit to reading old love-mails from two exes. It strengthens me, they enlighten me. You see, if I could get over them, I can and will get over him. They would have given me the world on a silver platter; sure, one would be stolen and the other would be engraved with arabic symbols, but with the world on it none or the less. I recently spotted an ex-whateveryoucallit on tv after my bff informed me. The saddest channel (dnamic) displayed him and his socalled bff interviewing eachother. After 2 years, I still wanted to throw the tv out of the window on his lying, sneaking, creeping, sad and pathetic no-good self (the hate is big with this one). But still, I got over it.
People are confronted with their past on a daily base, the difference is how we cope with it. At this moment everything is fresh, it feels rotten but two months is relatively fresh. I miss the way he looks at me, kisses me and makes me laugh. The way we could spent hours and hours doing absolutely nothing (but eachother). But let's face it; that is normal in a relationship. I did it before, therefor I can do it again. Last night I dreamed that he was sorry, missed me and wanted to marry me; we served spareribs during the wedding and I was wearing the most horrible pink dress ever. The entire day I ended up picturing myself in that awful dress, missing him and craving for spareribs. I loved him. I love spareribs. Spareribs will always be there for me (if I can afford).
The point being; the past remains the past, all you can do is accept it and learn from it. You can and will love again.
In the meanwhile you should drink, party, fuck and try not to call/text your ex during any of those activities.
I am a GREAT advice giver, but somehow refuse to take it, even when coming from myself. Time will heal these wounds. Or wine and spareribs. Lots of wine and spareribs. Yes, dear spareribs.
Geen opmerkingen:
Een reactie posten